Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
