Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
