At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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