I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
