'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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