My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
