I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
