Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
