GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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