You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
