No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
