Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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