the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
