I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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