I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
