sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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