wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
