Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
