i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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