i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
