You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
