I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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