You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
