Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
