we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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