i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
