he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
