shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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