You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
