My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you win again, gameday.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
