Kiss
Puke
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
