there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize