i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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