i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
