Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
