Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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