To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
