Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
