she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
MIDGETS
????
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
