I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
