So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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