dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
