the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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