if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize