if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
