is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
