I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
