you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
