dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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