Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
