guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
