im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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