don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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