I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize