I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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