I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
