And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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