Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We had sex on a dog bed..
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
