watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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