you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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