you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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