we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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