I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
