i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
