Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
