I have demons in me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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