508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
