I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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