Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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