She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize