i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
