I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
