I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
