I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
All the doctor said was why
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
