Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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