Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
