your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize