Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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