I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
