I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
