Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
