"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
