i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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