Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
