I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
