I need to stop coming to work sober
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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