he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
