I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
