Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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