i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
