Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
