Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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