Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
