Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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