ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
