woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
How external is "for external use only"?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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