Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
