God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
