You just made me feel so damn special
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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