You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
