Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
