found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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