Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
