He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
